5 ft. 5 in. 19-years old. This is my journey from 147 lbs, starting March 21, 2013 to 120 lbs.
"Don’t worry about your body.
It isn’t as small as it once was,
But honestly, the world needs more of you.
You look in the mirror
like you’ve done something wrong,
But you look perfect.
Anyone who says otherwise is telling a lie
to make you feel weak.
And you know better.
You’ve survived every single day,
for as long as you’ve been alive.
You could spit fire if you wanted."
For My Mother When She Doesn’t Feel Beautiful (via likethedictionary)
"You deserve to know the strong person that you are. You deserve to know how inspiring your ‘simple’ story can be. You deserve to know that you have a right to be proud of yourself. You deserve to know that you have friends & family who adore you. You deserve to know that you will change the world. You deserve to know that your life is in your hands. You deserve to know that you have freedom. You deserve to know. You owe it to yourself."
I thought I was healthy in the first picture. I thought I was strong. I thought I was in control. I thought that clean eating and 2 hours of exercise a day meant that I was doing well. I was fine with my hair continuing to fall out/not grow and still not having a period. Pseudo recovery. Today…I’m still not completely healthy in the second picture. I am in a current struggle with bulimia - I binge and purge, overexercise, hate myself, and then repeat the cycle.
I am stronger. My hair is longer. I have a period. I am 30lbs heavier. I am aware of the fact that recovery does not consist of overexercising. Recovery doesn’t involve obsessively counting your calorie intake on MyFitness Pal. Recovery doesn’t mean maintaing a BMI .1 above the criteria for ana. Recovery doesn’t include eating foods without sugar, flour, or saturated fat. I know what true, authentic recovery looks like - and I will not fucking stop until I can eat a bowl of ice cream without wanting to binge and purge or burn it off or cry. I will one day eat that damn bowl of ice cream and go on about my life and be able to say, “Oh yeah…Ed…I used to know him, but I told him to fuck off for good so he did.”